Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

DAY SEVEN: Girl Talk

Sharing sexual secrets with your best girlfriend can be an invaluable resource. Unfortunately, a lot of us do not tap into this resource because we are afraid of what our friends will think of us. We have to remember that as women, we are nurturers and healers by nature and when we share our vast knowledge with each other, it can be life changing. It is important to feel free to talk openly and honestly with each other in a trusting and safe environment.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson suggests that women form sisterhood groups. These groups should be with women whom you like and trust and the group should meet regularly. Be sure to sure to serve plenty of food and drinks for a friendly and fun atmosphere. Some of Dr. Hutcherson's suggestions for getting the sharing ball rolling are as follows:

1. Have each sisterhood member write her own erotic fantasy and place it in a large bowl to ensure anonymity. After fellowship, food and a few glasses of wine, each member will take turns pulling a fantasy from the bowl and reading it aloud to the group. You will be surprised at how much you will learn by listening to someone else's fantasy. By the end of the evening, each woman won't be able to wait to get home to her partner.

2.Call your local Passion Party representative to give a presentation on erotic toys to your group. The representative will display erotic toys, explain how they work and offer them for sale to your group. Or, you can plan a field trip with your group to an adult store to explore, sample and purchase erotic toys.

3. Invite the group over for a "recipe" swap. Have each woman write her favorite sexual techique on a recipe card and place it in a bowl. Each woman takes a card as she is leaving the gathering. At the next meeting, each woman reveals what recipe she tried and how it worked for her.

Again, when trying something new, it is important to keep an open mind and have fun.

Source(s): Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve by Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

www.hazelmillsstories.com

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

DAY SIX: Sexy Games

Remember how much fun you had playing games as a kid? It was exciting to finally find your hide and seek playmate or to be top dog in a competitive game of Monopoly.
It can be even more exciting,not to mention arousing to play these games and countless others with your lover. All that is needed is an open mind and a little imagination.
Strip poker is a classic game for couples. You can actually add "strip" to any game and make it more interesting. For example, when playing Monopoly, every time your partner lands on your property or rolls a certain number with the dice, you can have him or her remove a piece of clothing of your choice. Naked Twister is another arousing game for couples to play. But don't think that game time is limited to card or board games.
Role play can be equally as much fun and the possibilities are endless. You can arrange for your lover to meet you at a restaurant or bar and pretend to be a stranger who propositions you for a one night stand. How about a game of doctor? One of you can pretend to be the doctor who gives his or her patient a very thorough examination.
The point is to feel free to explore other avenues of enhancing your sex life.

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

DAY FIVE: Talk Dirty

Some women are embarrassed to even think dirty so talking dirty is definitely out of the question. But when you stop cringing and let your guard down and just try it, you may find that engaging in a little nasty talk can be quite arousing and stimulating.
Quite frankly, I don't see anything wrong with two adults who are involved in a healthy relationship indulging in an erotic exchange. This is a sure fire way to be an open communicator about your needs, desires or fantasies and to increase the passion in your relationship. Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman.
Don't know what to say? You can start your research by reading erotica and paying careful attention to the bold and uninhibited phrases used to described what is happening in the story. It may even be a good idea to read together.
You may find it easier to write dirty than talk dirty. In this case, send your lover a sexy text message or email, detailing your intentions.
You can also practice talking dirty out loud to yourself. The goal is to get comfortable with the taste of the words in your mouth until they just roll off your tongue.
Whatever you do, don't forget to have fun doing it and encourage your partner to do the same.

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

DAY FOUR: Be A Star

Why not be the stars in your own erotic movie? This is a certain arousal booster. Using a tripod, position the video camera with lens facing toward the bed and film your lovemaking session. ONE COPY ONLY PLEASE unless you and your lover look forward to having your business go viral on the internet.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve, if you are too shy for the big screen, you can place a tape recorder at the hea of the bed and record your sexy sounds during lovemaking. Listen together later to put you in a sexy mood.

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

DAY THREE: Adventuring Out of the Nest

Sex in the same place, at the same time quickly becomes routine and dull. A truly sensually erotic playmate will add spice to a long-term love affair by initiating sex (day two's tip) in varied and unusual places and at unexpected times. Something as simple as moving to a different room can lend an air of excitement to your sex play. Men love variety and you can provide all the novelty he'll ever need by being creative about where you seduce him.

1.Take it out of the bedroom. Seduce him while the two of you are watching television together in the living room. That big armchair would make a wonderful playpen. You can also try the kitchen counter, the bathroom floor or the attic. All are incredibly erotic spots for love trysts, if you make them so.

2.Your own backyard. While he is mowing the lawn, surprise him by leading him into the bushes for some truly wild lovemaking. You can also have sex on your porch swings or hammock. There is something intoxicating about the thrill of possible discovery.

3.The car. Your car is like your own personal love-making cocoon. Attack him in the back seat and it will be like reliving your teenage years.

4.Going up. When the two of you are alone on the elevator, take the opportunity to blow more than his mind. Have him hold the "door close" button while you live him a nice little oral treat.

5. Let's party. Cleverly excuse yourselves from a party or wedding reception and escape into the nearest bathroom, lock the door and go at it.


Wherever you make love, the point is to be creative and keep the relationship new and exciting. Remember, no one likes stale crackers.

www.hazelmillsstories.com


Source(s) quoted: 203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed by Olivia St. Claire

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

Day Two: Initiate

Nothing turns a man on more than feeling wanted by his lover. Initiating lovemaking is admitting that you enjoy sex with him and you want more of it. Let's be honest... that's a feeling we all love.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting The Sex You Want, Need and Desire, you should make an effort to tell your man how much he turns you on and you'll find out how such a small gesture can make a big impact on your sex life and relationship.

A lot of women often shy away from initiating sex because our mothers have told us that "good girls" shouldn't ask for sex. Also, there is the fear that he may reject our advances. What would be more humiliating, right? Wrong! How can we expect to get what we want if we don't ask for it? Men certainly don't have this problem. They set themselves up for rejection all the time yet they keep asking.

How do you initiate sex? Well, I'm glad you asked. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Start with my tip from Day One. Kiss your man, deeply and passionately.

2. Whisper what you want in his ear. Don't be afraid to be explicit in your request. Tell him what you want to do to him and what you want him to do to you.

3. Grab his crotch. You can't get a more direct approach than this.

4. Give him a lap dance. Wear sexy lingerie and straddle him while gyrating and swirling your hips on his lap. Touching you is not allowed and maintaining eye contact is sexy as hell. "Cater 2U" by Destiny's Child is a great song to lap dance to (don't ask me how I know).

5. Bathe him. Like women, men love having it be all about them. Fill a tub with warm water. Sprinkle in some aromatherapy oil and light a few scented candles. Undress him and guide him into the tub. Lovingly wash and stroke every inch of his body.

These are just a few ways to seduce your man. Be creative. The goal is to let him know how much you crave him and that you can't wait to ride him into the night.

Sensuality 101: Ten Days, Ten Tips for a Spicy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is ten (10) days away and some of us are making plans for a quiet weekend getaway, romantic dinners, ordering flowers, purchasing red lingerie, learning a new bedroom trick or two, etc. All of these love day rituals are wonderful but did you know that adding a little sensuality to your sexuality can send your Valentine's Day into orbit?
And, who says you have to wait until February 14th to get started? How about ten days of toe-curling foreplay? I will post a spicy new tip everyday until Valentine's Day and you can turn Valentine's Day into Valentine's Week.

DAY ONE: KISSING

When was the last time you really kissed your partner? I am not talking about a peck on the cheek. I mean a REAL kiss like you did when the relationship was fresh and new and one touch of their lips on yours would make your heart pound and your breathing shallow and your soul stir. Do you remember? What? No? Shame on you! No worries because today is your lucky day (and his/hers)!

Kissing seems like such a simple place to begin but you wouldn't believe how many people really have no idea how to give or receive a mind-numbing kiss. Kissing is becoming a lost art. We have forgotten how deeply erotic and sensuous a kiss can be.

According to Olivia St. Claire, author of 203 Ways To Drive a Man Wild in Bed, if you approach each kiss with a sense of wonder, you'll be well on your way to creating a very sensual experience. St. Claire also suggests that you concentrate on the sensation of lip against lip, tongue on tongue, wet against dry, and you'll startle him into an early erection. He, too, will remember the excitement and electric discovery of that first kiss.

1. Close your eyes. Kissing is a performance to be felt not watched. There is something magical that happens when both of you relinquish control and allow your emotions to guide the kiss. The vulnerability and mystery of closing your eyes enhances the kiss for both of you.

2. Let your fingers do the walking while your tongue does the talking. Don't be afraid to caress your partner as your tongues playfully dart in and out of each others mouths. Stroke his face, the back of his head or neck. Grab and squeeze his ass.

3. Don't forget to moan or sigh during the kiss. Let him know that you are enjoying this intimate moment.

4. Two highly erogenous zones are the corners of his mouth. Gently lick/kiss these areas.

5. Invite him into the inside of your lips during a deep kiss. This area is softer and more sensitive. It is also a deeply intimate gesture.

Of course, no one said that kissing has to be limited to the lips. By all means, feel free to take the show on a tour all over his body. The nibbling, licking and kissing will drive him wild. Don't worry whether or not you are doing it right. His responses will be a the guidance you'll need.

Day 35...It's Getting Easier

Good morning,
Today is February 4th and I have survived thirty-five (35) days Wal-Mart free! Can you believe it? I sure can't. As each day passes, it is getting easier and easier not to fall off the wagon. I mean, I don't even think about going to Wal-Mart when I plan my shopping errands. And when a Wal-Mart sales paper comes in the mail, I put it in file #666 without so much as a glance. I am celebrating my success, however, I am very aware that there are still 330 days left in my journey and only time will tell whether I can continue to stay the course.
What have you resolved the give up or do more of in 2010? I'd love to hear how you've progressed...or not. Are you struggling to keep focused? Have you given up and decided to try again next year? Come on. Talk to me.
Until next time...peace,

Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Day 21...Have I Kicked The Wal-Mart Habit?

Today marks 21 days free of Wal-Mart for me. I feel pretty good about it. There haven't been any noticable withdrawal symptoms. I am able to shop in a Wal-Mart shopping center without so much as a look in the super-store's direction.
A few weeks ago, I spoke to a friend who kicked a similar habit. He gave up eating at McDonald's. The fact that he says he hasn't eaten at McDonald's in about five years gives me hope that I can actually get the Wal-Mart monkey off my back.

For those of you who are interested in breaking a habit, I've included an article on the subject I read on www.francesfarmersrevenge.com that may help.

How To Change/Break A Habit
It Takes 21 Days
Daily Activities To Help Change Habits
"I should change, but I've tried and failed." Does this sound familiar? Often, changing habits does seem insurmountable. Many of us simply don't have enough motivation to change our habits - all of our bad habits - in a way that would truly affect our health. We cling to them because we see them as rewards.

But your habits determine your health. Below is a strategy and focus on daily activities to help you change and eliminate bad habits.

It Takes 21 Days To Break A Bad Habit
To begin with, choose one unhealthy habit you wish to eliminate or change. Or, choose a healthy habit you want to adopt as part of your behavior. If it is a habit to eliminate, you may wish to go "cold turkey" or have a gradual tapering off. Caution: If it is a drug or chemical habit you are planning on eliminating, be sure to obtain an expert's opinion as to whether you need to taper off usage as opposed to quitting cold turkey.

Now that you have decided which unhealthy habit to eliminate, or new habit to adopt, decide on the date you will begin your behavior change. Give this date a good deal of thought and then write it down. For example, "On February 15, 2001, I will become a non-smoker."

In order to ensure behavior change, experts agree that it takes a minimum of 21 days to change a behavior. Again, look at the date you are planning on changing your habit. Count ahead 21 days and mark that date down. Now, make a commitment that you will follow your plan for 21 days.

Helpful Suggestions

Your target date has arrived. It is the first day of your 21-day cycle. Here are some helpful suggestions for habit change:

Write down your goal. There is magic in the written word when it applies to you. Experts recommend stating your goal in positive terms, such as "I want to be lean and physically fit," instead of "I've got to get this flabby body out there huffing and puffing." So, begin with writing down, as a positive goal, the habit you will change.


List your reasons for changing or eliminating your habit. Writing it down will force you to think out in specific terms what this habit represents in your life and the meaning you believe your life will hold for you upon changing the habit. This will also help with your commitment toward taking positive action.


Find substitute routines. For example, if you are changing eating habits and you have identified a particularly difficult time of the day when eating habits are poor, create an activity, a new routine for that time.


Talk to yourself. Tell yourself you're making progress. Remind yourself that you are moving closer to your goal.. Talk to yourself throughout the day about how you are going to avoid triggers that can get you off track and make healthy substitutes.


Recruit helpers for support. Explain to them why you are making this change. Ask for their support. Their support may be needed encouragement.


Be prepared for people who may sabotage your change. Be assertive and tell them what they are doing.
Sustaining Motivation

The following are some suggestions to follow each day in order to sustain motivation and determination:

Review your list of reasons for quitting or changing.


Create mental pictures of yourself as having already succeeded with your habit change.


Make affirmations, positive self-statements about your habit change. For example, "I am filled with so much health and vitality now that I exercise four times a week."


Reward yourself. Make up a list of self-rewards. Reward yourself verbally.


Remember to take one day at a time. If you do backslide, don't label yourself as having failed. Get out your list or reasons for quitting or changing and begin again.
Fatigue, boredom, depression, stress can all make it difficult to stick with your program. But having a relapse isn't as important as how you deal with the relapse. If you are so devastated by failure that you call your good intentions into question, that will make habit change harder for you. But, if you allow for an occasional relapse and treat it as nothing more than a slight misstep that teaches you something, then you're on the right track.

Follow the suggestions in this article, adopt the more helpful attitude of evaluating your progress and accepting relapses, and you will find yourself reaching many of your goals. You will have achieved true behavior change.

Source: www.francesfarmersrevenge.com


www.hazelmillsstories.com

Day 5...Life Without Wal-Mart

Okay folks,
Today was a little more challenging and really tested my commitment to my self-imposed 365-day Wal-Mart fast.
It is a chilly 30 degrees here in the sunny South and of course, I had errands to run this morning. I needed to pick up a few food items, light bulbs for my microwave, a bible cover, fireplace logs and a new fish for my desktop aquarium. All of these things could have easily been purchased (probably cheaper)at Wal-Mart. Boom! One stop and I'm done and back in the warmth and comfort of my home. Was I tempted? Hell to the yes! But I had to stay strong and honor the promise I made to myself. Ugh! No Wal-Mart this year. So, I traveled to four (4) different stores to gather what I needed. Luckily, they were all relatively close to each other.
I also realized something else today. Customer service really does exist! When I needed help finding the fireplace logs at Lowe's, not only did the worker tell me where to find them, she actually walked with me until I found them! Would this have happened at WallyWorld? My experience says "no". Hell, I can barely find a blue-vested person a Wal-Mart when I need them. And when I do luck upon the blue vest, it is usually comes complete with attitude.
Well, 5 down and 360 to go. Will I make it? Hmm...time will tell.

Until next time...peace,
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Three People You Should Meet in January

MEET THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF JOURNEY TO SURRENDER by Hazel Mills

Nikki is the quintessential girl next door with brains, beauty and a big heart. She leaves Mobile, Alabama for college life far away from home on the campus of Georgetown University. But no matter how hard she tries, she can't get away from her painful past. Nikki wants to love and be loved but is afraid that if she lets anyone in, she'll be hurt again.

Ahmad has it going on at every level and has his pick of women. He is one of the rising basketball stars for the Georgetown Hoyas but his time on the court is cut short by an awful tragedy. Ahmad is a good guy who constantly makes irresponsible choices that at one point, almost cost him everything.

Shannon, Nikki's emotionally damaged younger sister, also moves to the nation's capital to further her education at nearby Howard University. Both sisters share the same twisted family secret but deal with it differently. Shannon is on a mission to get as much as she can, by any means necessary. Her destructive behavior leaves everyone in her path shell-shocked.




THIS MONTH ONLY!!!! Order a signed copy of Journey To Surrender at $15.00 and get my award winning first book, Bare Necessities: Sensuous Tales of Passion FREE plus FREE SHIPPING!
Email me at hazelmillsstories@ gmail.com for more information!

Note: This offer is only available directly from the author and not applicable to any other retail outlet.

Already read Journey To Surrender? Feel free to pass this awesome offer along to another avid reader.

Has your book club selected Journey To Surrender as the book-of-the- month? Why not invite the author to your discussion? Contact me at hazelmillsstories@ gmail.com to get the ball rolling!

The Countdown Has Begun!

Happy New Year! Wow, I must say 2009 went by like a flash. Where did it go? That just goes to prove that life is but a vapor and we must make the most of each and every moment we are generously given.
Have you made your "resolutions" for 2010? What are your goals? Is it to stop smoking? Lose weight? Start a business? Find love? Go back to school? Well, whatever you have resolved, I encourage you to focus and to stick with it.
This year, I have decided to try to live 365 days without something that is very near and dear to a lot of us. It is going to be challenging but I believe I can do it. I realize that there are going to be days when I'll be tempted to relapse but I too, must stay focused.
I have named 2010 as the year without Wal-Mart. Yes, I said it. Wal-Mart. Now, before some of you get your thongs in a bunch, this is not an attempt to ignite a global ban or boycott against America's largest retailer. I am not a fool. It is just one woman's decision to spend her money in another store.In other words, my personal journey and I know that it will not change the Wal-Mart landscape. Like I said, it is personal.
Why? There are a few reasons but the main two are 1) I want to test the unwritten theory that Wal-Mart is essential to all life forms and 2) my last few visits to several Wal-Mart stores have truly tested my patience and religion (as if I don't have enough things in my life to do that).
Think about it. What did we do before Wal-Mart? Can anyone remember a time when there was no Wal-Mart.
There it is. My goal. No Wal-Mart for me this year. I plan to blog about it all year to let you know how I'm doing and I am interested in what your thoughts are on the subject. Can I do it? I don't know. I mean, like the rest of the world, Wal-Mart has been the "go to" place for all things for years for me, especially with children. One stop shopping for groceries, personal hygiene products, drugs, clothes, tires, pedicures, etc. As a matter of fact, I have already been tempted today when I realized that it is January 1 and I don't have a new calendar.
I didn't say it would be easy but I am determined.
Until next time....happy Wal-Mart-ing for the rest of the world.


Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

New Year, New You

Hello Beautiful People,
Well, we did it again! We have all survived the madness and mayhem of yet another holiday season and are on the brink of celebrating the beginning of another new year. 2010 is just hours away. Hard to believe, isn't it?
What goals have you set for yourself in the upcoming year? How do you plan to reach those goals? Do you know what you want to do differently in 2010 than you did 2009?
If you have already made your "resolutions" for the new year or if you don't have a clue what you want to change in 2010 and need a few ideas, I invite you to click on this link http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2446088/top_ten_2010_new_years_resolutions.html?cat=2 and check out the article. I encourage you to then send it to five (5) women you know and love and want to see empowered to live better in 2010.
I have made one "resolution" for 2010. That's right. Only one. I will reveal what that "resolution" is on January 1, 2010. You can read about it and follow me throughout 2010 to chart my progress, provide encouragement and/or advice, listen to me complain (and believe me, there will be plenty of complaining) etc. at www.xpressyourselfpublishing.blogspot.com . This will be a 365-day journey and I want you all there with me.
Well, that's all for now. Until next time...Happy New Year!

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Journey To Surrender by Hazel Mills

I am so excited about my second book, Journey To Surrender!

First, I want to thank all of you who purchased my award winning first book, Bare Necessities: Sensuous Tales of Passion. It means a lot to me that you would spend your valuable time and hard earned money on something that I wrote. I can't put into words just how much that makes my heart sing. I can't wait to introduce you all to Journey To Surrender, the novel.

ABOUT JOURNEY TO SURRENDER:
Ahmad and Nikki Jacobs are the picture perfect couple. They began their love affair as college sweethearts. Now, they are married, live in the biggest and most beautiful home on their street, and drive the finest cars money can buy. Ahmad is the most successful attorney in the state and Nikki gave up her career as a teacher to become a stay at home mom; raising her daughters and lunching with her girlfriends several times a week.

But what appears to be picture perfect from the outside of this three- story brownstone is very different from the real drama that is happening on the inside.

Nikki's painful past and Ahmad's irresponsible behavior has led them down a road that takes many tragic turns. Shannon, Nikki's younger sister, has her own plans for Ahmad. Lies, deception and murder all take their toll on this already struggling marriage.

Can this couple get to a loving and trusting place in their relationship or has the collateral damage ruined it for life?

MEET THE CHARACTERS:
Nikki is the quintessential girl next door with brains, beauty and a big heart. She leaves Mobile, Alabama for college life far away from home on the campus of Georgetown University. But no matter how hard she tries, she can't get away from her painful past. Nikki wants to love and be loved but is afraid that if she lets anyone in, she'll be hurt again.
Ahmad has it going on at every level and has his pick of women. He is one of the rising basketball stars for the Georgetown Hoyas but his time on the court is cut short by an awful tragedy. Ahmad is a good guy who constantly makes irresponsible choices that at one point, almost cost him everything.

Shannon, Nikki's emotionally damaged younger sister, also moves to the nation's capital to further her education at nearby Howard University. Both sisters share the same twisted family secret but deal with it differently. Shannon is on a mission to get as much as she can, by any means necessary. Her destructive behavior leaves everyone in her path shell-shocked.

FIRST GLIMPSE: Journey to Surrender

Xpress Yourself Publishing's FIRST GLIMPSE at
Journey to Surrender by Hazel Mills


Ahmad and Nikki Jacobs are the picture perfect couple. They began their love affair as college sweethearts. Now, they are married, live in the biggest and most beautiful home on their street, and drive the finest cars money can buy. Ahmad is the most successful attorney in the state and Nikki gave up her career as a teacher to become a stay at home mom; raising her daughters and lunching with her girlfriends several times a week.

But what appears to be picture perfect from the outside of this three- story brownstone is very different from the real drama that is happening on the inside.

Nikki's painful past and Ahmad's irresponsible behavior has led them down a road that has takes many tragic turns. Shannon, Nikki's younger sister, has her own plans for Ahmad. Lies, deception and murder all take their toll on this already struggling marriage.

Can this couple get to a loving and trusting place in their relationship or has the collateral damage ruined it for life?

ISBN-13: 978-0-9779398-9-3 Retail $14.95 Erotica

CLICK HERE TO READ THE EXCERPT (CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE)

TO PURCHASE THIS BOOK, VISIT www.xpressyourselfpublishing.org/bookstore.html!

Copyright 2009 Xpress Yourself Publishing, LLC

Hazel's HOTmail: Dude Acts Like A Lady

Dear Hazel,

I hope you can offer me some advice about my current situation. I am a thirty-eight year old professional woman who has fallen in love with my twenty-six year old hair stylist.

When I first started going to my hair stylist, I, along with many others, thought he was gay. He wore bright colored shirts with matching shoes, his mannerisms were flamboyant and feminine and he walked with a twist. But the man could do some hair and I made sure that I had a standing appointment with him every week.

During my appointments, he would often ask me out to lunch, dinner or to various plays that came to town. Usually, I declined. Last year, he offered to take me to lunch to celebrate my birthday and this time, I accepted. I had the best time with him. He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman. His behavior was still a little feminine but not as over the top as it was when he was in the salon. We went out several times after that and I began to think that maybe he wasn’t gay at all but instead just a very sensitive man. The careful attention he paid to his personal appearance made me think that maybe he was metro-sexual. There was absolutely nothing gay about the way he kissed me or the way he threw down when we were in the bedroom. He was the most attentive lover I had ever had.

When I felt our relationship was moving in a more serious direction, I decided it was time to introduce him to my family. I invited him to our family’s annual New Year’s Day reunion dinner. When he arrived, my brothers and sisters took one look at the way he dressed and the way he walked and immediately labeled him a “fag”. It didn’t seem to bother him at all but I was infuriated. I insisted that they apologize to him and to me for being so disrespectful. I told them that he was NOT gay. My mother and my sisters keep telling me that if it walks like a fag, talks like a fag, then it is a fag. My family are not the only people who look at us strangely when we go out. Whenever we’re walking together holding hands or if we share a kiss in public, folks stare.

When I asked him how he feels when people label him as a gay man, he says that as long as he knows who and what he is, it doesn’t matter to him what other people say. He said that when women think he is gay, they open up and tell him a world of sercrets and that their men aren’t threatened by him at all. He says it is good for business and as long as they are paying $100 to $300 to sit in his chair, they can think what they want.

I truly care about this man but I can’t help but be a little bothered by how others view him. Does this make me shallow?

C.C. in Alabama

Dear C.C.,
The fact that you are “bothered” by what other people think of your man doesn’t necessarily mean that you are shallow. I don’t believe that it is what the other people are saying or thinking about him that bothers you. I believe that deep down inside, you are still unsure about his sexuality.
Now, you said in your letter that you asked him how he felt about being labeled as gay but you didn’t say whether or not you have asked him if he is or has been gay or bi-sexual. Just because he can “throw down” in the bedroom is not a sure sign that he is not gay. Remember, gay people have good sex, too.
Intuition can be a wonderful tool, if used correctly. If you have a feeling that something isn’t right about a situation, embrace that feeling and listen to it. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions or have the uncomforatable conversations. Both of you need to have peace of mind in this relationship.

Peace,
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Have a question about love, sex or relationships? Send them to Hazel’s HOTmail at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com Be sure to put “HOTmail” in the subject line. To insure anonymity, only your initials and your state will be printed.

Hazel's HOTmail: WWHD? (What Would Hazel Do?)

Dear Hazel,
I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My sister is married to a wonderful man whom she loves dearly. They have been married for eleven years and have four children together.
The problem is that I am in love with her husband and have been since the first time I met him. It was obvious that he felt something for me as well by the way he looked at me and the way he always hugged me. It wasn’t a brotherly hug because sometimes his hand would “just happen” to rub my behind. But neither of us acted on this attraction out of love and respect for my sister. That is, until about a month ago.
My sister was away at a women’s church retreat for the weekend and because her husband had to work, she left her children in my care. Her husband came by late one night to check on the kids but they had already gone to bed. We were talking when one thing led to another. Needless to say, we ended up in bed together.
I’ve been feeling guilty ever since that night and I feel that I need to clear my conscious and come clean about what happened. Her husband says that we should just keep our mouths shut and forget about it.
What would you do if you were in this same situation?


C.D. in Atlanta

Dear C.D.

What would I do? Glad you asked. Well, I would not be in your situation because the “love and respect” I have for my sister strictly prohibits betrayal, in any form.
Now that you have done what you obviously have wanted to do from the beginning, your conscious is bothering you? Please.
You and your sister’s husband are selfish. You both put your needs and desires above everything else and quite frankly, if or when she does find out, you deserve whatever happens.

Peace (if you can find any),
Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Hazel's HOTmail: Stuck in a Rut

Dear Hazel,
After twelve years of marriage, my husband and I are in a rut, sexually. We both work eight to ten hours a day and by the time I pick the kids up from daycare, come home and make dinner and put the kids to bed, I am too tired for sex. My husband usually falls asleep on the couch after dinner.
When we do manage to make love, it is the same old same old. He’ll touch and kiss me in the same places and after a few minutes of that, we’ll assume one of two positions. Usually we’re done after about twenty minutes that seem more like two hours. Sometimes I orgasm during sex and sometimes I don’t. When I don’t, my husband will masturbate me until I do. Again, more of the same. I am getting to the point where I can go weeks maybe even months without sex because it is so boring. I miss the days when we were all over each other and sex was exciting.
Do you have any suggestions that will help us light that fire again?

D.L., in Orlando

Dear D.L.,
You and your husband are not alone. Quite a few couples experience a decline in the quantity and quality of sex after marriage.
When the relationship is new, you can’t get enough of each other. Sexual attraction is intense and the desire for each other is off the charts. The sex is hot and passionate enough to melt the sheets.
What happens? Life. We get caught up in taking care of the day to day issues (work, children, bills, etc.) and sex seems like just another thing on our list that we have to do.
Nothing rings more true than what Schmuley Boteach, author of Kosher Sex, says, “ Sex is not a luxury of marriage, but its most basic necessity.” Couples who do not have a satisfying sex life will find that every aspect of the relationship will become affected.
We have to make time for sex that satisfies the mind, body and soul.
Here are a few things that may help get you and your husband going again:
-Send your husband a sexy email or text message detailing what you have in store for him later. By all means, be explicit. Be prepared to back your words up with plenty of action.
-Do lunch. This time, you are the only thing on the menu. You won’t have to beg him to chow down.
-Wake him with a little good morning kiss you know where. Testosterone is at its highest peak in the morning for men and your husband probably has an erection when he wakes up. Make this work for you.
-Get out of the bedroom. Try having sex in other areas in the house.
-Let him watch. You said that he usually masturbates you. Why not let him watch you masturbate yourself? If you’re confident enough, you can even incorporate a vibrator or dildo.
-Take the day off. If possible, both of you can take the day off work and spend the day home alone in bed. Yes, you will still take the kids to daycare or to grandma’s. The goal is to spend uninterrupted time with your lover. Make foreplay last for hours by taking the time to experience each other totally. Touch him where you’ve never touched him before and invite him to do the same. Make it more about intimacy.
-Re-position yourself. Make a commitment to try a new position every time you make love. If you need help with ideas, buy a book or dvd on the subject.



Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.

Hazel's HOTmail: No Glove, No Love!

Dear Hazel,
My new boyfriend refuses to use a condom when we have sex. We have only been together for three months. I have explained to him that using a condom will not only protect me but will protect him as well. We both have had multiple sex partners and until we are both tested, I believe that this is our best option. He swears that he has been tested and is disease free.
Now I must admit that there have been a few times when I've become "caught up" in the moment with him and have not insisted on using protection. Not smart, I know. He has also fooled me by putting on a condom and then slipping it off right before he entered me. I am on the pill so getting pregnant is not a concern.
We click in every other aspect of the relationship. What else can I say or do to drive home just how important this is to me?

L.G.K., Washington D.C.

Dear L.G.K.,
Do you realize what the stats are for African American women with HIV? Also, do you know that Washington D.C. has one of the highest rates, if not the highest, in the country?

I'd like to introduce you to my special guest advisor and sister of the pen, Linda R. Herman. Linda is the author of CONSEQUENCES: WHEN LOVE IS BLIND and the upcoming sequel, CONSEQUENCES. I believe that Linda is the perfect person to answer this question for you.

Here is her poignant response to your letter:

Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com


L.G.K.

Reading your letter saddened me because I know there are more than a million more women who share your thoughts and dilemma. Well, the inner debate you're having stops right here, right now!

You asked what else can you say or do, and the answer is simple. Act on what you've already said and done. Stop telling him one thing and then allowing another thing to happen. Your body is YOUR temple and it's up to you to protect yourself. If this man you're with does not respect you enough to honor your request, you need to love yourself enough to let his ass go.

How much do you love him? Is he worth your life? Is your love for him so blind that you're willing to risk becoming a statistic, one more person living with HIV and dying from AIDS related complications? I know I'm coming across as being quite blunt but the truth of the matter is, HIV is a preventable disease that is taking so many lives because we, especially women, place our lives and well-being in the hands of others. Stop hiding behind that four letter word called love and take responsibility for yourself!

I strongly recommend that you read my book, Consequences When Love Is Blind. You stand to learn a lot from Sade Peters, the main character who tells a beautiful yet sad account of how much blindly loving her husband cost her in the end. You can order the book at online retailers, request it in bookstores and libraries, or get an autographed copy from me by ordering from my website, www.LindaRHerman.com.

I leave you with these words-LOVE YOURSELF!

Linda R. Herman
Author of Consequences

Erotica vs Pornography: What is the difference?

As an erotica author, I am often asked about the differences between pornography and erotica. The following article touches on some key differences.

EROTICA IS MORE THAN PORN
by Roxanne Rhoads published October 21, 2007

Erotica is so much more than just porn though it is an ongoing debate. Some people see anything sexual as dirty. That it is all pornographic. There is a difference though sometimes there is a fine line between the two and like anything else it's all in the eyes of the beholder.

I found the wonderful world of erotica when I returned to the writing world after a long absence. I was struggling to find a place in the industry and a niche that I enjoyed when I came across erotica. Previously I did not know there was a whole world of erotica both in print and online that caters mainly to women.

Once I found it, I was hooked. I have discovered that I love both reading and writing erotica. I have to thank Gracie and all the others at Tit-elation.com for accepting and publishing the first erotic story I ever wrote (which were followed by many more and later I became an editor at Tit-elation too). They gave me the confidence I needed when I first started out. I kept writing more and more and soon I had erotic poems and stories all over the web, in a couple anthologies and in Playgirl Magazine.

I am often asked by family and friends why I write "porn". For one I'm a very sexual person and it seemed a natural course for my writing to take a turn into the area of sex and sexuality but I have to explain to everyone that I believe there is a difference between porn and erotica. I know some view anything sexual as smut or porn while others can relish the differences between them and all the areas in between.

To me porn is usually visual and geared towards men. Its sole purpose is to physically arouse and stimulate. I have nothing against porn, it serves its purpose, but erotica goes much deeper. Erotica appeals more to women and is often written by and for women even though there are both male and female writers and readers.

To me erotica can be much more real, while porn is often very unrealistic. Erotica can also tell a more complete story. If you read a regular novel about a married couple or a couple in love, it does not tell the whole story of their relationship because the sex scenes are often omitted or glossed over. In erotica you can get the whole story including the steamy sex scenes. Erotica stimulates the mind and the body, arousing emotions and the imagination.

I love to picture the characters and see them in my mind, watch the stories take shape and unfold. With porn it is all laid out, no imagination involved unless you take the time to imagine yourself in the scene. Erotica often has more depth with characters that are more realistic. It is more than just sex; it can be emotional, complicated, frivolous, fantasy filled, funny, sexy or serious. Erotica can be very diverse, as diverse as the authors who write it.

You can find stories that fit into many categories and many themes. You'll find stories of love and passion, stories of submission, role playing, historical erotica, supernatural erotica and much more. Erotica comes in every color, size and flavor from mild to wild from vanilla sex to BDSM and much more. You can find paranormal erotica, sci-fi erotica, fantasy erotica and every day real world erotica. There's something for everyone and it is so much more than just porn.

Article by Roxanne Rhoads for Associated Content

Do you agree with the writer of this article? What do you believe the differences are between porn and erotica? Or, is there any difference at all?

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com