As a woman I just have to put it out there. To discover a man is cheating on you is devastating. It hurts when you're a teen in love but it rips your heart out your chest when you're a 'happily' married woman.
So, tell me this, does it hurt more when you discover your husband's mistress is actually a MISTER?
In this day and age our major concern with husbands on the down low is HIV. Not that it can't be contracted from him cheating with women but the risk is higher when he is cheating with a man. But is he any more or any less disloyal for cheating with a man as opposed to a woman?
And while we're talking about it, let me put this out there as well. Would it make a difference if he was the topper (the man who penetrates his male lover) or the bottom (the man who is penetrated by his male lover)?
I wanna hear from you!
Make sure you tune in to Blog Talk Radio tonight, www.blogtalkradio.com/kenda-bell. The topic for tonight is TRUST~
Linda R. Herman
www.lindarherman.com
Xpress Yourself Publishing is the African American Literary Awards Show 2008 Independent Publisher of the Year, and an English-language publisher headquartered in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. The house of ESSENCE® best-selling authors, Xpress Yourself Publishing is a minority- and woman-owned company publishing ficton, non-fiction and self-help books. Visit us online at www.XpressYourselfPublishing.com, where dreams are turned into reality!
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ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, a cheat is a cheat. But we have woman that would make excuses not thinking that cheating is the cardinal sin of a marriage. I believe that the devastation of being cheated on would, in this case, be compounded with it was a man. When women find their spouse has cheated they often compare themselves with the love interest to somehow understand what they may have lacked, did too much of, or didn't do while pleasing their husband. What comparison does a female lover have to that of a male lover? There is no comparison. It's a league all by itself. You begin to ask about his attraction to the other; what did you marriage lack; where did it go wrong? Well if your man wants a man to fulfill his sexual desires you have nothing to compare. It is just that what HE DESIRED.
ReplyDeleteIn many cases of adultery it too adds up to the husband's desire. Love nor lust knocks at your door and says come out and play. The spouse must have the desire to want what's out there even if it is a man. A cheat is a cheat!
I must agree, Nan. A cheat is a cheat regardless. BUT women are more afraid of discovering their man wanted another man because of the HIV epidemic, I believe. And we are shallow,too. How many of us want to tell family and friends that our man left us for another man or stepped out on us with a man?
ReplyDeleteThe desire to cheat has to be there, whether it be for the same or opposite sex is up to the cheater.
Linda R. Herman
www.lindarherman.com
A cheat is a cheat so just the fact that my man was cheating would be, and has been, devastating. The fact that he's cheating with a man might not be so much worse, but if he was a bottom????
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking of Desperate Hoodwives where that one girl Lexi found her husband in the shower with her baby daddy Junior. I really don't think I could handle that AT ALL!
I have to agree with Nan, being cheated on period is devestating. Being cheated on makes you question "whats wrong with me"
ReplyDeleteBut, to be cheated on with a man...not only would it hurt worse, but, it would make some women, probably me in particular wonder what is wrong with my entire gender, or whats wrong with my (for the lack of a better word) choosing skills? Meaning, am I that desperate for a man that I can't tell when one is gay. Not saying that would be true...b/c now a days you can't tell, but, of course a woman would feel that way. Great thought provoking blog Linda!
I thank you ladies for these 'right on' comments. Please tell your friends to check out this blog and post their responses as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you all again!
Linda
www.lindarherman.com