Hazel's HOTmail: R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Dear Hazel,
I am thirty-nine and have been celibate since the birth of my second child in 1997. For the most part, I’ve been okay with that decision. I have dated a few men in the past but the relationships never go far once they learn that I am celibate and plan to stay that way until I get married.
About a year ago, my sister introduced me to a man she works with. We began as friends and now the relationship has grown into something more. He is a wonderful and caring man. When I first told him about my celibacy, he was very supportive and even applauded me for taking control of my life. He never put any pressure on me about having sex, until about three weeks ago. The kisses are more intense and the touching is driving me crazy. I keep telling him to put the brakes on but he just says that he loves me and he wants to show me how much. I love him, too and that’s what makes this so hard. My mind is telling me to say no but my body is saying yes loud and clear. Can I realistically expect a man to wait? I don’t want to lose him.

E.J. in D.C.

Dear E.J.
I don’t know where to begin. To me, it appears that your issue has nothing to do with sex. Your problem has more to do with respect. By putting pressure on you to sleep with him, it proves that he has a lack of respect for you and any decisions that you make regarding your body. You stated that you have not tried to conceal your choice to be celibate so he knew what the deal was from day one. Now, he pulls out the “Baby, I love you” line. What’s next? Is he going to say that he needs to have sex in order to heal his acne? Come on!
If you are solidly committed to remaining celibate until marriage, do that. Don’t go back on the promise you made to yourself and jeopardize your self-respect for what will amount to about five to seven minutes of pleasure. You have done without sex for eleven years (God bless you) and have been fine. You have known this man for only one year. Yes, you can realistically expect a man to wait. You know why? Because it’s your own damn body. If you do decide to sleep with him, do it because that is truly what you want to do. SIDEBAR: USE A CONDOM!
Are there any plans to get married? Probably not. He just wants to vacation in Poonanny Park with any of the responsibilities of ownership.
Stay true to yourself and what you want. Once you lose respect for yourself, I don’t know if you’ll get it back. If you lose him, well, you can get another man. One who loves and respects you, for real.

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.