Hazel's HOTmail: "I Could've Had a V8!

Dear Hazel,
I am a thirty-three year old beautiful, attractive and educated woman. I have been seeing this great guy for about four months and things are beginning to get heavy. The thing is that I’m not looking forward to having sex with him. It’s not just this man. I have had a couple of sex partners but I can’t remember it ever being that great. I mean, it felt good for a few minutes and that’s about it. The men have a great time but I always find myself lying there thinking that I would rather be shopping or painting my nails. What I’m really saying is, I don’t think that I’ve ever had a real orgasm.
I listen to my sisters and my girlfriends go on and on about having toe-curling sex and I feel like they are speaking a foreign language. When I tell them about my problem, they don’t offer any real advice on how to get to that point. They just say that I don’t know what I’m missing. My fear is that having sex with my new boyfriend will be just as disappointing as my other experiences. I don’t want to be left thinking that I could've had a V8.
What advice can you give me?
T.W. in Alabama

Dear T.W.
Thirty-three and never had an orgasm? Girl, you have my sympathy. Your girlfriends are right. You don’t know what you are missing. But I have a question for you. Do you know what it takes for you to achieve orgasm? If the answer is no, then I have another question. How do you expect a man to know what you want and need if you don’t? So often we look for others to give us what we should be bold enough to give ourselves.
See here’s the thing. You need to know yourself better than anyone else does. In order to do that you need to explore your body. Yes, I said it. Masturbation. I’m not talking about the thirteen year old boy locked in the bathroom with his mama’s Victoria’s Secret catalogue type masturbation. I’m talking about true
self -discovery. To achieve the best sex, you must know who you are and what makes you happy.
Try this. Indulge in a luxurious bubble bath complete with scented candles and soft music. Relax and allow yourself to feel pampered. Treat yourself as you would treat a lover.
Then, stand in front of a full- length mirror, naked. Realize how beautiful your body is no matter the size. You can even say it aloud. Pay attention to the rise of your breasts and the curve of your hips. Celebrate you.
When you’ve become comfortable with the way you look, it’s time to move on to the way you feel. Lie on your bed in a comfortable position. Touch, stroke, caress and pinch every inch of your body. Take notice of what sensations you like. Don’t be afraid to lubricate your fingers with a water- based lubricant like KY or Astroglide and venture into your pleasure zone. Be sure to breathe as you explore each area and notice how your body responds to your touch. At first, it may feel like you are searching for a flashlight in the dark but once you discover what feels good, you’ll linger there for awhile. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself speaking in tongues.
Once you have learned the art of pleasing yourself, then it’s on to communicating your needs and desires to your lover. Don’t be embarrassed to tell him that you prefer one thing over another. Pleasure is not one size fits all and men do not come out of the box knowing how to please us. They have to be taught. If he really cares about you, he will want to do the things that make you feel good.
For more in depth information, I suggest that you head out to your local bookstore and pick up a copy of Pleasure: A Woman’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.

Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com
Have a question for Hazel on love, sex and relationships? Send it to hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.