Hazel's HOTmail: Church Lady Love

Dear Hazel,

I know that by writing you this letter I am really asking for it. But I am hoping that you or your readers will be able to offer me some sound advice about my situation. The problem I have is that I am in love with a married woman and we have been sneaking around for months.
First, I need to tell you that I did not seek out a relationship with a married woman. It is something that just happened. We attend the same church and have been on several committees together. After spending quite a bit of time working with this woman, I was first attracted to her intelligence and character and it wasn’t long before I found myself attracted to her physically. I did not let on about my attraction because I did not want to do or say anything that would be inappropriate. After all, she was married.
As co-chairs for the 100th anniversary of our church, we were always together for meetings or talking on the phone. The conversations were not limited to church business. We got to know a lot about each other. The more I knew about her, the more I fell for her. She was everything that I dreamed of. Smart, beautiful and God-fearing.
Before I go any further with this letter, I need to tell you that I am also a woman. Up to now, no one knew that I am a lesbian. I’ve kept that part of my life a pretty well guarded secret. I do not look like what the world perceives as the stereotypical lesbian. I am a very beautiful young woman. I told her about my lifestyle during one of our many lengthy conversations about relationships. I felt just that comfortable with her. She didn’t judge me nor did she stop calling even after we were done planning the event. As a matter of fact, she called me and came by my apartment more. I was careful not to actively pursue her but I suspected that she was gaining an attraction to me. I was right. We have become secret lovers.
I feel guilty about this because she is married to a wonderful and kind man who loves her very much. He has no clue what is going on between his wife and I. He believes that we are just very good friends and he is very good and kind to me as well. The fact that we are deceiving him is killing me. She says that she has no plans of leaving her husband. She recently revealed to me that I am not the first woman or man that she has had an affair with and probably won’t be the last.
I know that I should end this relationship but like I’ve said before, I am in love with her and it would be so hard to end it now. But how can I go on knowing that we are hurting her husband and that there can be no future for she and I? I can’t talk about this problem with anyone because no one knows about me being lesbian and I am not ready to make that information public because I’ve seen the problems that creates.
Please be honest and real with your advice. What should I do?

D.L. in N.C.

Dear D.L.,
In the words of the eloquent poet laureate, Flava Flav, Woooooooooooooow. This is a funky situation. You wrote to me for honest advice, so here we go.
You two “church ladies” are as wrong as a ham at a Muslim wedding. What the hell are you doing? During all of your church committee meetings, did either of you actually pick up a bible and read that little list of do’s and don’ts? Adultery is in the top ten.
I am not completely convinced that you did not pursue her. There was something; a look, a touch, a vibe that alerted her to the possibility that something could happen between you two. No matter what, she was and still is married. Translation: OFF LIMITS!
Now you’re hurt because she has told you that cheating is her hobby and she is not leaving her husband for you or anybody else. Well, did you really expect her to?
Here’s a little tip. If a man or woman cheats with you, they will cheat on you. So in reality, she has done you a favor by giving you a heads up on what type of woman she really is. The fact that she sleeps around with every Tom, Dick and Harriett puts both you and her husband at risk for all kinds of deadly shit.
I think the real reason that you may not want to end the relationship is not because you are head over heels in love with her but mainly because you’re afraid that she may vengefully “out” you to the congregation. There is no guarantee that she won’t. What is it they say about what’s done in the dark? End the affair with her and either deal with it at your current church or join another church. But know this, you cannot run from who you are forever and be truly happy. You’ve got to face the music sooner or later. The people in your life who love you for real are going to continue to love you. Those that reject who you are probably didn’t really give a rat’s ass about you in the first place.
Yes my friend, you should end this. It’s wrong and there is not future in it.


Hazel Mills
www.hazelmillsstories.com

Got a question for Hazel on love, sex, and relationships? Email her at hazelmillsstories@hotmail.com. Remember to put Hazel’s HOTmail in the subject line.