Hazel's HOTmail: No Glove, No Love!

Dear Hazel,
My new boyfriend refuses to use a condom when we have sex. We have only been together for three months. I have explained to him that using a condom will not only protect me but will protect him as well. We both have had multiple sex partners and until we are both tested, I believe that this is our best option. He swears that he has been tested and is disease free.
Now I must admit that there have been a few times when I've become "caught up" in the moment with him and have not insisted on using protection. Not smart, I know. He has also fooled me by putting on a condom and then slipping it off right before he entered me. I am on the pill so getting pregnant is not a concern.
We click in every other aspect of the relationship. What else can I say or do to drive home just how important this is to me?

L.G.K., Washington D.C.

Dear L.G.K.,
Do you realize what the stats are for African American women with HIV? Also, do you know that Washington D.C. has one of the highest rates, if not the highest, in the country?

I'd like to introduce you to my special guest advisor and sister of the pen, Linda R. Herman. Linda is the author of CONSEQUENCES: WHEN LOVE IS BLIND and the upcoming sequel, CONSEQUENCES. I believe that Linda is the perfect person to answer this question for you.

Here is her poignant response to your letter:

Hazel
www.hazelmillsstories.com


L.G.K.

Reading your letter saddened me because I know there are more than a million more women who share your thoughts and dilemma. Well, the inner debate you're having stops right here, right now!

You asked what else can you say or do, and the answer is simple. Act on what you've already said and done. Stop telling him one thing and then allowing another thing to happen. Your body is YOUR temple and it's up to you to protect yourself. If this man you're with does not respect you enough to honor your request, you need to love yourself enough to let his ass go.

How much do you love him? Is he worth your life? Is your love for him so blind that you're willing to risk becoming a statistic, one more person living with HIV and dying from AIDS related complications? I know I'm coming across as being quite blunt but the truth of the matter is, HIV is a preventable disease that is taking so many lives because we, especially women, place our lives and well-being in the hands of others. Stop hiding behind that four letter word called love and take responsibility for yourself!

I strongly recommend that you read my book, Consequences When Love Is Blind. You stand to learn a lot from Sade Peters, the main character who tells a beautiful yet sad account of how much blindly loving her husband cost her in the end. You can order the book at online retailers, request it in bookstores and libraries, or get an autographed copy from me by ordering from my website, www.LindaRHerman.com.

I leave you with these words-LOVE YOURSELF!

Linda R. Herman
Author of Consequences

What's going on with our youth?

Normally when we think of domestic violence, we think of adult women being battered by their male lovers. How many of us think of our teens being in abusive relationships? My hand was down until two years ago. But a shocking up close and personal reality opened my eyes to this growing problem.

Puppy love is supposed to be a sweet emotion for teens. For the first time they 'love' someone other than mommy, daddy, family, and friends. They experience a different emotion and feelings for someone they envision being the greatest person to ever walk the Earth.

So, what happens when that person hits them? Degrades them? What about raping them?

You think it can't happen? You want to believe it doesn't happen? I'm here to tell you it does. I loosely based my short story, "Silent Cries" on a true event that happened to someone near and dear to my heart. She was fifteen when the verbal abuse began; maybe 16 the first time he hit her; and seventeen when she finally broke up with him only to have him rape her a few months later. I KNOW it happens. My question is this: What do we as adults do to stop/prevent it from happening?

"Silent Cries" is featured in the upcoming anthology Somebody Prayed for Me, written by authors Allyson M. Deese, Tinisha Nicole Johnson, and Linda R. Herman. The book releases December 2, 2008, from Xpress Yourself Publishing, www.xpressyourselfpublishing.org.

Linda R. Herman, Author of Consequences
www.lindarherman.com